Note To Self

                                                                                                                                 September 23
Note to self: This is all a Dream, you will wake from reality soon... at least I hope.

    I honestly have no clue how my family stays together. My mom always cries, my dad is always screaming, and throwing stuff at me. But the weird thing ism he doesn't throw stuff at anyone else. Carla mocked me just a second ago and so I smacked her in the leg. My dad then asked me what I had just done to Carla to make her mad, or crying. I told him that she had mocked me so I smacked her. He didn't believe me and told me I was a filthy stuck-up liar and smacked me in the face. I kept a straight face on the whole time holding in the tears that were pounding on the insides of my eyes. I bite my lips to keep it in, as he starts yelling at me with language I'm not supposed to use, but I do anyways just because i hear it so often. My mom walks in and goes over to Carla and puts her arm around her as my Dad send me to my room. My room isnt actually a room, it is the laundry room with a blanket. I usually put my blacket in the dryer for a lil to make it warm and fall gently to sleep, then the dryer broke because Carla put her barbie dolls in there (she has over a 100) and broke it, and of course they blamed it all on me, so now i sleep in my room cold and shivering all night, hoping and crying that in the morning the world will end.

Too Many Questions...

Gashes line my knee because I know I'm not supposed to be here. I wonder why I was put here? Why am I here? Do I actually have a purpose here? Do I want to stay here? Is my life worth it? Or should I just go? Am I willing to sacrifice what will be brought on me tomorrow? Will there be a tomorrow? How long will tomorrow last, is this a dream? What will I wake up to? Has everything here been all in my head? Do I have another family? Are they waiting for me to wake up? How long will it be until i wake? Am I making all of this happen? What is a dream inside of a dream called? Am I going to have 1 more year like everyone says? Is 1 year in my dream, two hours when I wake up? Or is it a year too? How long will I be asleep? Is everyone dreaming? Is everyone living somewhere other than here? Am I making this entire thing up? Is everyone actually a girl? Does everyone have the same dream but different people? Is that why everything seems to go really fast?

Alone and Away

My Dream is to one day be the first past the Milky-Way. I've always wondered if there is a world other than ours if someone else is waiting to see us come through the mixture of colors, and they know who it will be but just don't know when. The thing about this dream is that I'm going to have to know about science to do this and math, both of which I'm not fond of. So I need to work on that. Other than that I know I can do somewhat of that dream. Sometimes I wonder what people would say if I said that I was past the milky-way?... I don't think I would want to then. I would look like a dork or something. And I am not, I just have big dreams... Sometimes I do wish I could block everyone out and leave the planet. That would be nice. Once a month vacation, just alone, dark and no one around. Perfect. To other people that would make me sound crazy, but I think that I will be able to get past there and live happily ever after, plus it is interesting to just stop and think about.

Finding Home

Finding home is harder than you think. Some people think that where ever you live is home, some people think it is in your heart. I dont' know where it is. I am living for today having three older brothers; most people think I'm a brute. Not so much... My mind has no emotion at all. Just Blank. My room is black and empty too. We are moving, again but I dont' want to I won't move, so I sit here, in the corner, crying again.

Chelsea

Everyone is chanting Chelsea's around me. She just knocked me down with her knuckles. I'm on the concrete with my face shielded by my arms. I lick my arms and taste blood rushing down my elbow from an open wound. The crowd around me contains not only students from Bay-High School, it also contains teachers and principals. They are laughing and chanting Chelsea's name. I am appalled and still laying here. My instincts tell me to get up and run, but she is walking back to me now, and I know what this means. She pulls my face from my shield of arms and I find a blow to the nose and then, Black.
I wake up in the nurse's office my nose filled with cotton balls and it smells like antibiotic. I pull them out and sit up. My nose is twitching and then I sneeze, that catches the nurse's attention and she runs in. She glances over and sees the cotton balls that I pulled out of my nose and she gestures towards them. "They were annoying me, and smelled," I murmur. She said something over and over under her breath as well as sniffling so much she started to crying. I giggled under my breath and she yelled, "GO BACK TO CLASS," just to annoy her even more I reply, "And what period is that ma'am?" She glared and didn't answer. I knew where I was going, I just hope I don't run into Chelsea in the halls skipping class again.
As I walk out of the nurse's office I glance over to the waiting seats for the Principal's office, there was a long line as usual, but at the door waiting for me was Chelsea.

Dear ,

When I look in the mirror,
I see you in the reflection.

When I close my eyes,
you shoulder is holding my head.

When I lay down in bed at night,
I can feel you breathing,
keeping me safe.

When I dream,
I dream of you...
and only you.

-Love you